I Can't Help It

now I know why so many girls out there can spend many nights to cry over guys who broke their hearts. now I know why so many girls out there feel trauma of getting close with guys. now I know why so many girls out there are hard to move on and get over guys who hurt them.
I used to be so naive of those kind of things. because I never felt it and when my friends tell me their pain, I could give suggestions without even really understanding their feeling. I could easily push them to move on and don't cry over him. easy to say, but hard to do, right? and now, I could understand these things.

this guy, unexpectedly can make me feel all those things. this guy, unexpectedly can make me head over heals over someone. yeah, this guy. because of this guy, I can understand how hurt it is to fall for someone.

actually, I have no rights to feel all these kind of things. because you're not mine and you will never be mine. how could I know it? because we're different in everything.
I once said, I will never fall in love with a guy who doesn't know Jesus and I will never get close to another girl's boyfriend. how pathetic I am, now I'm feeling those things.
when I heard my friends are in relationship with someone who has different belief with them, I always asked how could it be. and God has given me the answer, because comfortable is the force of nature. you can decide whom you will get comfortable with. how can I say that? because it is happening to me. I'm feeling comfortable with a guy who has different belief with me. and this guy already has a girlfriend. dammit!

I have this feeling but I don't want to stole him from his girlfriend. I will never do that. but, the thing is, I can't get over him.
there were days when I felt we -me and this guy- are so close. chatting all day long, even we acted like a couple. don't get me wrong. really, if you were in my position, you will forget about everything, including the fact that this guy is already taken. I don't want to be a third person in someone's relationship. because I know, being cheated is the worst feeling ever. and what happened in the next day? he would make you feel like you were nobody. like there was nothing happened in the day before. sucks!

now let me explain what I'm feeling now. do you know how hurt it is when he makes you fly, and suddenly throw you down without feeling sorry? you feel angry, but you have no rights to feel angry and can't ask him an explanation.
there were days when you felt like he was making you like someone special, but then he was gone without any words.
maybe it's my fault for being so obvious about my feeling toward him. there were days when you felt like he had the same feeling, but then you felt that he only utilized you because he knew your feeling to him. again, it sucks!

now, I don't know what to do. I know that there's nothing to worry about, because I know I will never have him. but this feeling, I can't help it.